June 12, 1918: Death

A few days had passed since the assignment. Aaron Fredericks had let Tri rest, sensing that the newcomer needed some time to process his first real mission, and instead focused on Ginger, who was his only active messenger at this time. Nell had also been kennel-bound due to her injured leg, but she was mending and would probably be able to run this afternoon’s mission alongside both Tri and Ginger. It was a relief to have three dogs back in the field. As much as Fredericks knew and trusted Ginger’s skill, giving the fighting division only one shot at sending vital communication was less than ideal. With three copies, chances were much greater that at least one would arrive safely, should the worst happen to any of the dogs while they were working.

The keeper had been right about Tri’s need for a break, and he had been extremely relieved every time he had been left behind these last few days. The rest had given him time to get to know this place, and the soldiers who worked here. Everyone was very kind, but there was that constant cloud of dread that seemed to loom over every human and creature out here. Except over Ginger - Ginger had run a couple of assignments on his own now, but he didn’t seem to mind. In fact, Ginger seemed to genuinely enjoy the work he was doing. Tri found it puzzling, because how was it possible to enjoy something so terrifying and dangerous? When confronted about it, Ginger mostly just shrugged and grinned.

Since Nell had also been left to rest over the past days, Tri had made an attempt at getting to know her... but it was mostly a futile effort. It was difficult to get more than single-syllable responses out of her, let alone full sentences. She made sure to look asleep, look busy or step inside her crate most of the times that Tri approached her. After a couple of days Tri had simply given up, and accepted the fact that she... well, didn’t want anything to do with him. Just as well, as she didn’t seem all that nice anyway. But it was awkward, since most of the time they were chained up together by the kennels…

Today something was going to happen though. Nell had been pacing by her crate and Ginger seemed to feel it too. ”We’re on today!” he said. ”I know it!” Nell grunted a response. Tri swallowed nervously. And indeed, soon enough Aaron Fredericks appeared, untethered their chains and took them to be handed over to the soldiers heading for the front line. They were going to a different location this time, further away. Tri figured that this was a long run - one of those ’eight miles’ stretches.

The soldiers were kind, as always. Whenever they could they made sure to fuss the dogs and give them all the attention they could. It made Tri feel a lot better, almost forgetting the terror that awaited them for a while. He felt more sorry for the soldiers though. Ginger had explained what ’going over the top’ meant and it sounded most unpleasant, to say the least. The men had to leave the sort-of safety of their trenches and run straight into ’Fritz’s fire, while crossing barbed wire, dodging holes and crawling through mud. For most of them it meant certain death. This was very different from the practises at the school, where the shells and bullets couldn’t kill. Here, they could. So at least, Tri thought bitterly, he would be running away from that…

They made good time on their march, and when the troop arrived at their destination, things were relatively quiet. The tense atmosphere was, however, the same as last time. As were the smells… Tri coughed. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever be able to get used to the stench of the rotting corpses. They passed another dead horse, and its swollen belly and unnaturally twisted legs were familiar sights by this time... Its eyes were gone. Two black crows were having a grand old time, picking at the cadaver and chattering almost gleefully amongst themselves. The Great War was great in a different way for them… them and the rats. They certainly couldn’t complain; there was an abundance of food around for them these days, and one way of telling that this was true was their sheer numbers. Tri had already seen several rats scurrying about the trench unabashed. He frowned at them, but couldn’t really do much else.

The three dogs were taken to a dugout further back and tethered to chains, just as before. Tri whined nervously. He could feel his heart pounding already. Ginger lay down a little closer. ”Ye’ll be fine.” he said. ”Remember it’s all like clockwork. We and Fritz have a schedule - they’ll start right when they’re meant ta’, and end right when they’re meant ta’. All ye have ta’ do is count the time.” Nell nodded slowly in silent agreement, but said nothing.

”Right…” Tri mumbled and tried to settle down on the ground like his companions, but couldn’t quite hold himself still.

There was a brief, fleeting moment of absolute stillness outside; silence, as if the world was holding its breath. Then came the plunge, and the storm roared again. The deafening, thunderous roar that rocked the earth to its core. Tri kept his eyes shut tight trying, somehow, to concentrate on his own breath and keep calm over the barrage outside their little hideaway. For it was just a tiny little hole in the ground that separated them from the hell outside…

After what seemed like another eternity, Tri could hear footsteps approaching. The shells hitting the ground were fewer and the gunfire had more or less ceased. So it was time, then. The dogs were taken back to the road and given their burdens. The soldier who had taken care of them this time was not the same man who had led them out here. The man’s expression was twisted in an expression of great pain, but he had no physical injuries. Tri would never forget the look in this soldier’s eyes - his eyes were empty. Hopeless. As if the cannons had burned away the very light from his soul. Tri didn’t want to leave him here, and wanted to help this man somehow. But Ginger nudged him, and they had to charge ahead.

They split up and Tri, again, stuck to the main road where it was easiest to find the way back and where the terrain was smoothest. It was also a risky path, as it left him more exposed and more easily spotted, but the fastest way back was on the road. As he left the front line behind him, all other sounds slowly faded away until just about all he could hear was the sound of his paws on the gravel road, and his own panting breath. He needed to conserve energy if he was going to be able to run the entire length of this mission, and slowed his dash into a steady gallop. Now that the artillery was but a distant murmur, the rest of the world was silent, and he was alone, Tri felt a sense of… almost of peace. Right now there was only one thing he had to focus on, and things sure could be worse than running through a quiet landscape as the sun set beyond the--

BOOM.

Suddenly the ground in front of him exploded in a cascade of earth and mud. Tri hadn’t even heard the whistle of the approaching shell (and it was purely by luck that he hadn’t been just one more step ahead on the road, or he would have been in that crater now). He yelped and threw himself to the side, jumped into the ditch beside the road and raced blindly across the field, into the nearby foliage and the few remaining trees. His heart was pounding. His ears were ringing. He had only one thought, and that was to run fast.

As the ringing started to clear and the panic began to settle, Tri slowed down. How long had he been running for? He looked about him, and realised that he had no idea where he was. “Great…” he thought, and slowed to a halt. In the now dim twilight it was difficult to make out the surroundings and he had to stop to navigate. Tri sniffed at the wind, listened. He could make out some faint scents of gunsmoke, and a few stray shells were still crashing down in the area, but they were far away enough to not be threatening right now. Tri frowned and turned his nose to the ground. It seemed like he had to follow his own scent back. As he swiveled around to go back the way he came, he heard a rustling sound to his right and instinctively dropped to a fighting stance - that could be anyone, or anything, out here. He growled and prepared himself for a skirmish, but when the dark figure emerged from the bushes, the encounter was to be something else entirely. Tri couldn’t believe his eyes.

”...Bat!?”

The figure froze.

”Tri?”

”Bat!” Tri barked and leaped forward to greet his friend. What were the odds!?

And Bat was just as excited to see Tri. ”I can’t believe it!” he said, wagging his tail so fast it turned into a blur. ”What are you doing here? I thought I’d never see you again!”

Tri chuckled, almost with a sense of wonder at how the universe could function sometimes. Then he had to answer the question - ”Frankly, I’m… I’m lost.” he said sheepishly.

Bat laughed and shook his head. Then he noticed the glint from the metal cylinder on Tri’s collar and turned serious again. ”You’re on a run.”

”Heh, yes, it’s embarrassing.” Tri grinned awkwardly ”But there was a shell, and I… I just ran, I guess.”

Bat nodded slowly. Tri thought he caught a flash of fear in the black dog’s eyes. ”Well, I’ll…” Bat paused, looking like he was making a decision in his mind. ”Hey, I’ll help you.” he then said.

Tri had to admit it was a very welcome offer, but… ”But… you’re on a run too.” he said, also noticing a tube attached to Bat’s collar. ”We’re not supposed to be distracted.”

Bat scoffed. ”Well, I…! I don’t care.” He looked away. ”I… I hate this place anyway…” he mumbled, his expression one of pain. His voice lowered to a whisper. ”I just want to go home…”

Tri felt sorry for his friend. It was true, now that he looked closer, that Bat wasn’t the same as he had been at the school just a few weeks ago. He was thinner, scruffier, and his legs were shaking. And Tri realised, if he had found the times in the trenches terrifying, what would that have done to a dog like Bat? Tri gave him a nudge, in an attempt at comforting his friend. ”And we will. Sooner or later, we will.” He tried to sound convincing, but wasn’t sure if he really pulled it off… After all, he had no idea if they were ever going home. It was a thought that felt like a grip of ice on his heart.

Bat sighed and rolled his eyes, clearly having seen through Tri’s attempt, but managed a faint smile. ”Thanks for trying anyway.” he said. ”Let’s get going.”

They accompanied each other for a while. Tri had little trouble finding his own scent back towards the road, but neither of them wanted to part just yet. It seemed that he had run a long way off course, and troublesome as that may be, he had never been so happy over almost being hit by a shell and running a failed mission. Even though they had only known each other for a few months, meeting Bat, a familiar face, out here in this brave new, terrifying, world was an almost indescribable happiness. It was precisely what he had needed after the past few days of not-getting-to-know Nell too. Bat and Tri reminisced over days past at Shoeburyness, shared their stories of what had happened since they had last seen each other, and for the first time since leaving their homes they both felt a sort of sense of safety and familiarity. After a while, however, they knew they had to go their separate ways again.

”It was good seeing you again.” said Tri.

Bat smiled, but it was a sad smile. ”You’ve no idea.” he said.

”Maybe I’ll find myself lost again sometime, huh?” Tri grinned.

”Yeah, how about it?”

They chuckled, then turned to depart in their own direction.

”I’ll see you, Bat.”

”Yeah. See you, Tri.”

It was with a great sadness that they had to leave after having just found each other again, but they knew that as long as they were carrying the metal cylinders, they had a duty to fulfil… Tri sighed as he ran, and glanced over his shoulder one more time to see Bat’s black silhouette disappear back into the trees. Well, at least something good had come out of this miserable--

BOOM.

Tri stopped in his tracks with a skid. That shell. That one stray shell. Where had it landed? Could it have…? He was almost too terrified to turn around, but something told him he had to. His heart was pounding as if it was going to jump out of his chest, but he slowly, slowly, turned... and saw. The trees. The trees were gone. As if they had never been there at all. He gasped, and howled. ”NO!”

He dashed, wanted to run as fast as he had ever run, back towards what was left of the clearing. He had only been galloping for a few seconds after they said goodbye, but the distance seemed endless now. It was as if he was running in slow motion, as if through water, and as much as he tried, he couldn’t go any faster. As he finally reached the crater, he cried out for his friend. ”Bat!” He looked around frantically, hoping that maybe Bat hadn’t been close enough, or he had been far away enough to not have been hit. ”Baaat!” There was no answer. Maybe Bat had escaped, maybe he had been able to avoid it, maybe…!

But then.

There.

There he was.

Dead.

Dead.

Tri felt as if something had grabbed his throat and squeezed the air out of his lungs. It couldn’t be true. It couldn’t!

”BAT!”

Tri raced to his friend’s side, but there was nothing he could do. The body was broken. ”No, Bat, no… please, no… Come on, you have to get up! You have to… You have a mission, Bat! We can’t be distracted, we’re not allowed to stop, we…” Placing his forepaws on Bat’s side, Tri attempted to shake life into him, but it was no of use. Bat was gone. And Tri knew he was gone, but… still… there must. be. something! ”You can’t do this to me, Bat! You can’t!” He kept trying to stir his friend, but Tri’s legs then suddenly gave out beneath him and he slumped onto the black dog’s body, trembling. This couldn’t be true. How - how could this have happened. For a little while, the only sounds that could be heard were the rustling of leaves and Tri’s quiet sobbing. But the calm was soon interrupted by the blast of another artillery shell nearby, and it was as if Tri was thrown back to reality. He remembered that he himself wasn’t safe yet, and that he had to get back to Aaron Fredericks… But he couldn’t just leave Bat here - didn’t want to leave Bat here. Another earth-shaking boom not far away emphasized the urgency of the situation, and Tri knew he had to get moving if he didn’t want to end up the same way as his friend. He swallowed hard and tore himself away from the black dog. As he said his final goodbyes and prepared to leave, a gleam of something metallic on the ground caught his eye. It was the silver cylinder from Bat’s blood-stained collar. It had been torn off in the blast, and there it was now. This small, unassuming object that was so important. Tri sighed bitterly through clenched teeth. He knew what he had to do.

The rest of the mission, his delivering the messages to Aaron Fredericks and being taken back to the kennels seemed to pass as if in a blur. Tri could hardly remember any of it. Ginger and Nell were waiting for them and Ginger stepped out of his kennel to greet them, but Tri didn’t notice. Or didn’t care. Once tied up to his crate he sat down with his head hanging low, back facing the others, and didn’t move for the rest of the evening. He wasn’t interested in the food offered and barely responded to Aaron Fredericks’ kind ear-scratches. The keeper was concerned - maybe Tri wasn’t cut out for this after all? Dogs who didn’t take to life at the front were to be sent back, and perhaps Tri was one such dog? Fredericks decided he would give it one more mission, and if Tri wasn’t suited for it, he would send him home.

---------------------------

That night was cold and dark, the stars hidden behind black clouds. But Tri didn’t move from his spot.

Then there was a voice behind him.

”Who was it?”

Tri flinched, unprepared for both the sound and the question. He lifted his head as if to speak, but did not. The voice asked again.

”Who was it?”

Tri sighed and mumbled a reply.

”He was my friend… From the school… We trained together…”

”I see.”

The voice belonged to Nell, and she sat down next to Tri. He wanted to move and get out of her way, but did not. Not that it mattered. A moment of silence passed.

”I understand.” she said.

Tri winced, then huffed before he could stop himself. As if Nell had feelings? She was this stoic, silent soldier dog, cold as winter, and she claimed to understand? This paralysing pain - pain that made him feel numb but at the same time threatened to burn him up from within - did she understand? This utter powerlessness, and to wish with all one’s being to make something undone, that cannot be undone? How could she possibly understand... He turned his face away from her, so she couldn’t see his red-tinted eyes, swollen from tears. She’d only sneer at him (if she could see them in the dark in the first place of course).

“It won’t pass.”

Tri pricked one ear, puzzled. What did she mean now? Noticing she had his attention, Nell continued, carefully. “It never passes. But what you do is learn to live with it.” She paused, and seemed to search for the words to say, before she continued. “There is nothing else we can do. It is like this war. You have to figure out a way to endure it, or it will claim you, too.”

Tri felt the tears returning and started to tremble again. “But it was my fault!” he cried out. “If I hadn’t… if I hadn’t failed my duty, Bat wouldn’t have been there! And he would still be alive. Because he was just here! He was just here…”

“I understand…”

“Do you!?” Tri snapped back before he could stop himself, again. “How could you, possibly understand…!?”

Nell froze. She was taken aback by Tri’s sudden abrasiveness, but also realised that if he was going to be a part of this group now, she owed him her support. She sighed.

“Tri.” she said softly. “I’ve been in this war for two springs, a summer, an autumn, a winter. After what you have seen in the days you’ve been here, do you think I have not suffered any loss like yours?” Nell had spoken with a new warmth and sympathy in her voice that Tri hadn’t heard before. He flinched as he realised he had been out of line, and felt as if he had been doused in ice cold water. He turned to meet her gaze, and saw the same pain - his pain - in her eyes.

“So. I do understand. And I am sorry for your loss.”

“I…” Tri began, but anything he would try to say wouldn’t be good enough. “Thank you…”

Nell smiled a small, sad, smile. “If we are going to get through this together, we have to help each other.” The border collie rose to her paws and turned around to return to her kennel. “I would advise you to get some rest. And to finish your dinner. Tomorrow we go on. Because the war never rests.”

Tri nodded, but didn’t move, as Nell stepped inside her crate again. He couldn’t bring himself to move. What would be the point of doing anything at all any more? But as the first light of dawn was breaking in the East, he succumbed to the power of sleep.